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Rollers absolutely moer Fish Hoek

Urban legend has it that that people are Fish Hoek are immune to the wind that blows there because, when they are born, they get ‘blown’ out their mothers’ arses.

But no amount of preparation could save them from the Rollers hurricane that hit their peaceful – and bottle store free (like, why?) – village on Sunday as we kicked off the 2011/12 season in fine style.

Fair enough, it wasn’t the strongest opposition we will face this year, but the Rollers produced a clinical performance which would have been good enough to beat any side in the FCA. Possibly not in the two hours it took us to dispose of Fish Hoek, but still.

And it was the hosts who took first strike – and they were on the back foot straight away. With Ryan Cooper feeling the after effects of a late night at the Sports Illustrated Swimwear Party, it was left to Cornell Keulder to do the damage.

That consisted of a fiery opening spell of 4-1-9-3, with all three batsmen bowled – one of them leaving it Matrix style, only to see it cannon into his leg stump. And then proceeding to kak out the pitch.

Now while possibly no-one reading this report will believe as much, Claude Louw actually played a game for the Rollers on Sunday. And, after a first delivery which made Hannes Carlson look like Dale Steyn, muscle memory kicked in and he soon found that familiar line and length – and a wicket with a sharp caught and bowl chance.

Then the trumpcard – the skipper brought on Nicky Rheeder, whose deft in-drifters proved too much for the locals as he picked up 4-21 in four overs, and the Man of the Match award. Casper eventually got a bowl and picked up a wicket as Fish Hoek were dismissed for a rather pathetic 57.

So forgoing our usual lotto system, we sent the old people – Jacques Laubscher and Nico Rheeder – to face the new ball. Scooter raced out of the blocks before eventually ‘retiring old’ on 23.

Debutant Rob Kent (by the way, you owe us double stumps next time) joined Slang in the middle, but soon ran himself out for three. Enter Louis Pretorius, who had clearly had enough of the ridiculous wind, and proceeded to smash three boundaries four balls to help us to a comfortable nine-wicket victory.

Slang, in the meantime, was unbeaten on six. After 12 overs.

True to form, some decent fines were consumed afterwards, with fines master Casper getting a new drink which seemingly went down quite well. A few Rollers then decided to go out and properly celebrate the victory, which we did.

Moment of the day: Slang and Scooter are batting. Scooter calls for a single and runs through. Nico then spends about 30 minutes leaning against his bat, staring into the distance. When we eventually get his attention so he can face the next ball, he replies: “Oh fok, sorry … ek dog ek’s die non-striker!”

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